It Didn't Even Last A Year

She was finally content with being alone. Dating had been an epic failure. After much deliberation and her call to pastor, she had decided that being single was much easier when doing the will of God. The newly ordained pastor understood how relationships could hurt a person so badly that the pain of rejection would change one's mood and how they responded to other people. She did not want to answer to God for casting her afflictions out on his sheep that were in her care. And so she settled there until one day God spoke in her ear and disrupted her entire day by asking her, " How long are you planning to do life alone?"

Before the direct question, God had promised her that she would meet her husband on her upcoming trip out of town. The pastor laughed and even challenged God by telling him that when he found the guy, she would marry him as if this were impossible for God. Honestly, she had no intentions of marrying again. She had made peace with being one person in the pulpit and another when she stepped down. Inwardly, she hurt knowing that she had given up on the idea of love. But she figured that if God loved her and cared what she was going through, surely he would have delivered her a husband by now. She had prayed most of her life for someone to love her how she loved. It never happened. Although God had told her an engagement date for this anonymous husband, all she was able to focus on was the six-month time frame from where she was to when He had said that she would meet the guy. She opposed God's word.

As God had promised, a guy that the pastor found quite attractive approached her asking to take her to dinner. She agreed without any expectations. But he was her husband, with many flaws. So many that she began going back and forth with God for 1 hour until God reminded her that she agreed to marry when he had found her husband. The pastor accepted out of obedience. She had asked God many times to confirm to her that this was indeed her husband and he had over and over again.

Within the next 6 months, the pastor moved in with the guy. She started to notice that his communication decreased drastically. He had bad habits like smoking and drinking daily. He did not understand boundaries and respect as he communicated closely with his ex-wife. She would call at the most unreasonable times of the day. Later she explained that she felt that the pastor's husband didn't respect her boundaries so she returned the favor to see how he would like it. The funny thing is he felt the pastor was being unreasonable when she asked him to limit his communication.

There was a clear separation between the pastor's ability to engage in her role as pastor fully. He never supported her and he even began to despise her because his lack of relationship with God was quickly starting to separate them. He was unable to support her financially and he brought 3 small girls into the home when he came along. This gave the pastor more responsibilities while her husband had little to none. Eleven months later, they were separated. A year after the separation they were divorced.

What happened?

1. Red Flags

The pastor overlooked a lot of red flags. It's possible that this marriage could have worked if the pastor and her husband had not skipped the process. Just because God reveals the future to you does not mean that you can bypass the process. It is in the process that we learn, mature, and grow to the potential in which God wants us to be. In 2 Timothy 3: 1-5 God teaches us to identify red flags. Many of these signs were highly visible to the pastor in her relationship, before marriage. However, she married anyway, giving her husband the illusion that his red flags were accepted by her when they weren't. Be very mindful of what you accept in your dating relationships as these things become habits that you take along with you in your marital relationships.

2 Timothy 3: 1-5 But realize this, that in the last days difficult times will come. For men will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, revilers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good, treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, holding to a form of godliness, although they have denied its power; Avoid such men as these.

2. Liability versus asset

The pastor's husband was a liability. While money is not a huge deal in a relationship, the ability to support at the same magnitude for one another is. He was not able to provide for her and he did not care to get a better job to do so. Bringing additional people into the home that he was unable to provide or care for increased the pastor's responsibility. The very reason why God created Eve was to be a helpmeet to Adam. God is not so selfish that he would aid the male in support and not the female. The Bible declares that the woman is the weaker flesh. Make sure that you are in a relationship with someone who knows the importance of being an asset to you as you are to them.

Genesis 2:18 Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.”

3. Lack of Support

Lack of support is a big problem in relationships of all types these days. The pastor's husband did not support her financially, emotionally, or physically. Although we may not always like what others are into, it's important to learn to support them. If it's something that's just too complicated for you to do, be honest about this. A relationship is about support more than anything else. It's quite selfish to have your needs met and not be willing to meet the needs of someone else. Proverbs 27: 19 says that Iron sharpens iron, So one man sharpens another. This means that when one is down, the other attempts to restore them. Are you being supported in your current relationship?